The Sillymarillion by D.R. Lloyd

Author:D.R. Lloyd
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 0
Publisher: D.R. Lloyd
Published: 2013-08-22T00:00:00+00:00

Thingy was troubled as he sat upon his throne, for his chief hunter, Mudlump, had returned with the grave news that a giant, mad weregerbil had assaulted Fuzimath. Because of the power of the Siliput inside him, Cacamouth had been able to pass through Median’s magical defenses and now terrorized Thingy’s realm like a miniaturized version of something you'd see rampaging through Tokyo in a badly-dubbed man-in-a-rubber-suit monster movie.

In that same hour Boner and Loosenin appeared before the King.

Boner knelt before him and said, “I have fulfilled my vow and come now to claim Loosenin as my own.”

“Where is my Siliput?”

“In my hand.”

“Show it to me!”

Boner rolled his eyes and gestured at his newly acquired stump. “Well, obviously it’s not in the hand I have with me…”

Then Boner told the tale of the quest, plus a few modest additions such as his single-handed slaying of a dozen trolls using only a paper clip and a plastic spoon. And even Thingy was moved by the tale.

But since Cacamouth daily drew closer to the Whole Bunch of Caves of Dentalfloss, a great hunt was prepared. Guan went on the hunt, as did Mudlump of the Thick Forehead, and Bowleg Stringbean, and Boner Urchiniman and even Thingy himself.

They came upon Cacamouth and assaulted him; and Boner was injured by a great slash of the beast’s tiny claw. Then Guan leaped upon the evil rodent, and it is said that no battle of ferret and gerbil has ever been so great. Guan slew the dread Cacamouth, but his own doom was there fulfilled, for he was wounded mortally.

He lay down beside Boner and spoke words for the third and final time.

“Later, man.”

Mudlump picked up the corpse of Cacamouth and gave it a good hard squeeze, and the Siliput popped out into Thingy’s hand. Thus with the taking of the Siliput was the King drawn into the Doom of the Neuter and his fate sealed.

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